Growing Pains

There comes a time in Nam's life when he doesn't write in his journal for personal reasons. Part of it, necessary contemplation, the other part pure an unadulterated laziness.

So here goes the long story of my life from The middle of December in yet another tangent of my life, of course way edited for the general populous.

Richard and Elicia are on the way to Divorce

So sometime in December, I get a phone call from Richard. The next thing I know, I am flying one way down to sunny southern california to speak with my two best friends and drive one of them back up to stay with her Mother for the holidays.

So began my long December, which has been also punctuated with the break up with a boyfriend and the loss of my dear Master and partial ban from my temple do to my nationality.

I am in deep mourning for both of my friends. One had their trust betrayed beyond the bounds of decency and the other is a lost soul shaken by the crumbling world around him.

And so I am here stuck in the middle. Which is a very difficult place to be. In most cases, a friend of a divorced couple will align with one or the other; whomever they were better associated with. However, in this case, I have been intimately associated with both of them since what seems as if the beginning of time. And the dilemma occurred. Do I need to pick a side? As someone that has been "screwed" in a relationship before. I immediately aligned myself with the "screwed" party, simply because I recently went through something somewhat similar and felt their immediate And yet, the friendship and love runs through my veins and compassion also fell upon the other person for history could not let me give up on them.

And so my conclusions finally come:

As with relationships of lust, this trial is a sex thing. When it comes to sex things, it is between the people that are having sex and no one else. Though others are effected by the actions and decisions made, friendships and love should not be hindered simply because of it. How many times have you had a friend or you yourself, but completely crazy for someone and then had a "sex thing" and that love dissipated the next day. In no way does that change the fact that others are still their friend and will continue to be. For what has happened I can easily place judgment. One person is ultimately more at fault than the other. However, I cannot disavow any friendships because of it. I will associate with both of them because I still love them both. No physical abuse was taken, so no wrong doing was done. The hurt involved is a labor of lust and falls in the sexual realm that confines its reach to the intimate parties. Aside from being angry about it, I can only let it pass and support the ones involved as best I can and give the advise that would best help them in their situation.

And they are as follows and pertain to whomever it pertains to.

Advise 1

You are a wonderful beautiful person and can grow as a person without the bondage of marriage. Though the pains of rejection stab with knives that break through your inner core, believe in the great lessons you will learn from this tragic ordeal and rejoice that you will become a stronger and more independent person for it. It is now time to separate your life from the other. It is very difficult when you have expected all your life that they were the one, and they disappoint you they way they did. The questions keep running through your head, did they ever love you? The answer is ephemeral as is with many things, lust passes in time. Love is permanent and that is what hurts. But when you are IN love with someone lust and love fuse. It is the de tangling of them which causes pain and can in time destroy both. Instead, let yourself go and Flourish by yourself and let time and right action slowly mend your psyche.

Advise 2

I will always be your friend through whatever happens. However, actions precipitate through time with a force that is unimaginable. Events have passed and judgments have been made, some have been forgiven. But now you live in a fantasy that is slowly crumbling. We your friends live here in the real world, where lies do not abound and where things are discussed. You are in great pain in your confusion. You fear blame and further rejection. Yet, the time for blame and rejection has passed. Your friends and family miss you and you fall into the ball of your fantasy world. You think that clinging onto the lie just a bit more will ease the transition. This may be true. But, you will lose many companions along the way because they cannot and will not live the lie with you.

Speak to those who you fear the wrath from, for they are most likely the ones you love most. And if they truly love you, then their harshness will return to compassion in time. But, ignoring them only strengthens the chasm between you and the world you once enjoyed, and you will fall deeper in debt to the fantasy you have created for yourself.

Advise 3

You are not alone, You are not a burden, You need just call us and we are here.

Weekend 1

So, I needed to go to Disneyland, So Ming and I headed down to LA and stayed at the Disneyland Grand Hotel. We went down on a Friday night so we had plenty of time to head to West Hollywood and go to the Abbey and Mickeys. The next day, We had a fun time at Disneyland joined with Elicia and frolicked through the park. The park had a lot of closed attractions. The entire rivers of america was closed. Just a big hole.

(Where is he pulling the pearls from?)

(Ming and Elicia)

(Nam and Elicia)

Then that night we went to the Abbey again and then Mickeys for a bit with Ming's friend Shawn.

The next morning was the super bowl and we went to HERE in West Hollywood to watch it. Let me tell you, the bartenders there were shirtless and HOT. I didn't want to go home. But by 5:00 we had to leave so that we could get to to SF in time to go to Badlands.

One thing I must say about West Hollywood. NO PRIDE! The only rainbow sticker was on my car and everyone dressed "straight" it was quite disorienting.

Weekend 2

The next weekend I go down to LA again to go to Disneyland with my friend Richard. We had a fun time and hung out for the weekend together and discussed life.

Weekend 3

I worked on the Lighting Design of King Lear for the Calaveras Repertoire Theater. Go see the show!

Weekend 4

I went to Disneyland again with my friend Colby. This time it was surprise my friend Lori for her Birthday. Lori spent valentines with her fiance Matt and that night Renee and Anne kidnapped her to go to Disneyland. Colby and I got there around 11PM and ended up going to the Abbey. Colby enjoyed himself. The next morning we wake up but crack early and go to Disneyland. We do the whole Disneyland thing.

That night we go to dinner a restaurant inside the Grand Hotel. It was pretty much a regular evening at Disneyland, but then it happened. Lori stole some bread.

We had all been complaining that we didn't get bread so someone dared Lori to steal the bread from the empty table next to us. Well, Lori did.

So everyone was eating the bread. Well, when we were done with the bread, there was one slice left. But I was thinking, "hey" if they see this bread, then they won't bring us anymore because they will think we got it already. So, Lori puts the one slice that was left in the basket and puts in back on the table. Moments later our bread came and we enjoyed it. A bit of time passes and then then people came back to the other table. We were so embarrassed, because we had thought the people had left. So our entire table was extremely quiet. The other table kept looking over and someone overheard them say, "what happened to our bread!"

Lori had sunken into the realm of the bread thief, and this will stick with her FOREVER!

Colby and I then went to the Factory that night. The music was thumping and we were having a great time. The night ended with us eating at Del Taco at 5:00 in the morning and just getting back in time for Renee to call us to ask if we were up yet.The ne

We sorta blasted through the next day and left around 9:00PM and raced back to San Jose.

Boy are my arms tired.

I HATE TAXES

So now I have to pay 1122 in Taxes. This was supposed to be my vacation money, So i will be going to New York, Las Vegas and then Europe with about 20 bucks.

Whatever!