So the Three Asian Fags along with Eudeans friends, Jay, Guillermo and Chris. We were supposed to meet up on Friday at 6 for dinner, but that got cancelled because of scheduling conflicts that Eudean had that night.

We end up meeting at around midnight and gossip until 3 in the morning. We then somehow get up at 6:30 and get going to Reno.

Eudeans friends did all the snowboarding. Eudean, Ming and I became lazy the first day and went to the Spa at Atlantis instead. Then we did the whole bufffet thing and watched Eudean win stuffed animals at circus circus. Afterward, we headed for the wonderful gay scene of Reno.

After finding going to a few dead end bars, we find "The Quest" and "Cadillac Ranch". Its always fun to see what gays do in other towns. I will note that he DJ at The Quest was actually a good DJ. Unlike those crappy guys at The Cafe or Palladium which seem to just play the music, the DJ at The Quest actually mixed the music and had very interesting transitons.

Then we went home to gamble. After clowing 80 bucks on slots and roulette, i went to watch Eudean play blackjack. He played till 5:00 in the moring. We were tired.

An hour or so later we had to wake up to go snowboarding. Instead we had breakfast and drove Eudean's friends to the slopes and then drove back to Reno to check out of the hotel.

Ming and I decided we weren't snowboarding this weekend. So we just went up the Gondola and had a nice lunch waiting for everyone else to finish.

We had time on our hands and took some pictures :p

Nam in Burton

Ming in NorthFace

Eudean in.. uh oh, didn't take a picture :p

 

Reflections

December 2002 was an overwhelming tumultuous time for me. From the culmination of the understanding that my relationship of one and a half years was cultivated primarily in the cloak of nonapparent lies to the malcontent of turmoil involving my very dear friends, December was not the greatest of months.

Yet, shining through the glum of the hardships, the blazing light of my friends and family reminded me that all I have worked for thus far was not forfeit to my despair, but instead showed me that I have done good in choosing my companions and that I do not walk into the face of the misty passage of the future alone.

The words immortalized by the Counting Crows ring through my head in this new year.

"Its been a long December, and there's reason to believe, maybe this year will be better than the last."

For me, at least, this hope was shattered by the impermanence of human flesh which is ravaged by the oblivious march of time. Death is such a strange thing. To lose a brother was at its utmost, a heart wrenching experience that has lived with me for the six years he had passed. My blood and confidant, we were one in the same spirit.

But now, another has passed. One who, though does not bring the amount of grief and suffering that my brother's death brought, takes from me not only a companion in life, but also all semblance of identity and guidance.

My Buddhist master has passed away. Her Japanese essence returned to the great river of souls which binds the universe and beyond. And yet, as my blood kin, I have become abandoned.

And with most things Japanese, change is swift and dynamic. Her strength and the power she once wielded in the obscure Buddhist society I came to know and love has been shifted to those that do not favor my "kind" in their midst. Being a half breed, I could not truly be one of them.

A religious culture which I have defended for a lifetime has thrown its last blow to me. The Japanese have always been kind and generous to foreigners who are definitely foreign. But, they have the nasty attribute of extreme racism and prejudice to those that attempt to exhibit traditional Japanese customs without being fully of their kind.

It is now that I finally have come to an understanding with my father and his avid disapproval of the Japanese. It is not that he hates the Japanese people, but to be a non Japanese person was cause for ridicule in their narrow ways.

And this curse has finally reached me. With the death of my master, I am no longer part of the order I have devoted my life too. Though my friends still remain their, the hierarchy has passed judgment. My rank and power in the order has been challenged and forfeit.

So, now I ask myself, who am I? Do I deny my past and treachings? Or do I continue to mention the paradigm of my life only to discover that none really understand what is happening even after exhaustive explanation.

What of my religion? Do I just become cast into the fold of atheists?

And so I conclude.

For me, I reset my life to a time not so long ago when a decision of this caliber was put forth to me. I admit I am not of their ilk, but I will honor my Vietnamese heritage with greater zeal, because it welcomes me no matter what the state of my hemoglobin is. As for the other part of me, I will remark it as a old dream that will come to haunt me from time to time.

As for my religion, I will continue as I always have, a rogue. I have been well trained for 11 years of my life and can train myself for the time being until I reach another impasse. When that time comes, there will always be a guide. So, I have changed my rank from priest to spiritual advisor. A Teacher if you will, though those who know me understand that I am never quite direct in my answers and tend to give answers in riddles.

And it occurs to me that I am not my past nor am I my future. I am the person who speaks to you with whole hearted passion and sarcasm, that loves to do the things he does and regrets nothing. I'm the guy who smiles and laughs and has the most alluring group of friends that has ever been assembled on this planet. I am happy with my general state of affairs, my only unhappiness comes with inconveniences that will dissolve in time.

Though this hurdle of despair still will manifest itself in ways unimaginable in the road ahead, I will stick to my hope and finally remark that this year will be better than the last.